I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
