She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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