Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I have already put on my inside pants.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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