the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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