I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
