dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
