its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
