He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
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I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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