i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
