I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Randomize
