3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
