I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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