I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
