she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
