I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
