the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just gargled with NyQuil
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
