mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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