Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
