I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
