The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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