apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
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i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
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hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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