Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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