I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
