did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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