Can i not drive my cunt home
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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