I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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