I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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