is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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