Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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