We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
