Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
