apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Barsexuality is the new black.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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