dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
