Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
