New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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