oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
