Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
