Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
