Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Randomize
