You smell like a Billy Joel song
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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