I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
