My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
only if we run a train.
done.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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