You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
