I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
