some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
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I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
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I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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