he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
