found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
