so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
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Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
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The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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