A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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