Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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