I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
