Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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