yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
