Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
