I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
