I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
