Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
