I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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