return my video game
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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