My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
