Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
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i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
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Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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