a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
This house was built for laser tag.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
