I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
