Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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