dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
