you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You ate ashes out of my bong
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
