So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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