First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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