I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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