She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
