So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
