Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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