He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
