I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
