is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
