He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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